Soap or Death
by harlequinsmiles
Summary: Edward goes to buy soap for Bella. Silly oneshot. Written for a school project in ninth grade, back when this book was just becoming a fad. *sigh* You sure miss the days when it wasn't all you ever heard about and you could enjoy it in peace.


Soap. . .or Death

Edward Cullen looked at his girlfriend, tawny eyes narrowed as he grinned at her. Weak. Human. But all his.

"Bella," he said in a velvety voice, "do you need anything while I'm out?"

She had her leg in a cast, elevated on the couch, and she was flushed with embarrassment at her inability to do things herself. Edward knew she loathed her lack of strength, speed, and grace, all of which she could have if she were a vampire like him. However, there were simpler matters at hand.

"I'm out of soap. But you really shouldn't-"  
"Nonsense. And just what do you propose you're going to do in the six weeks Carlisle says this will take to heal?" He leaned closer, hoping to disorient her so he could win. He found she could be very stubborn when the desire arose.

"I guess I'll. . .stink."

Edward laughed a musical laugh. "You're too funny, Bella. I'll be back in five minutes."

Bella knew this was true, because:

(a.) Edward never lied

and

(b.) he also happened to be able to run faster than he could drive.

He gave her a peck on the cheek, feeling the warm blood rising to redden her complexion. Sometimes it was good to be a predator.

The run to the store was exhilarating, and all too short; he had to cut through the forest so passersby would not see a bronze bullet breezing by them, white teeth still glinting in the ever present rain. He emerged from the timber by Newton's, the local sporting goods store, and resumed at a human pace past it on the sidewalk.

The grocery was more brightly lit than most buildings. Edward was glad he had worn a long-sleeved sweater; he hoped no one would notice how his skin subtly fragmented the light, sparkling a tiny bit. He tucked his hands into his pockets to avoid further complications.

A small woman in high heels smiled brightly up at him. He heard her heartbeat accelerate at the sight of him. "May I help you, sir?"

_. . .in __**any**__ way at all? _He heard the end of that thought, an echo in his head. Sometimes the gift was a curse.

Edward knew where the soap was, but he was always too polite to put people down. He asked her what aisle to look in, and she unnecessarily walked him there. He thanked her, glad for Bella, that her scent overpowered every other. She made it a little less difficult to control himself.

Speaking of scents, he wondered where this new, awful one was coming from. It wasn't one he recognized; not human, definitely not another vampire. . .

Edward heard the low growl behind him and knew exactly who was soap shopping on this very same day at this very same place in the very same aisle. "Hello, _Jacob_," he tried to say civilly to the werewolf, but it came out as more of an accusatory hiss. "Nice seeing you." _Dog._

"So what brings you here, Cullen? Looking for something to scour the blood off of the kitchen tile once you make a meal out of poor Bella? Bleach is in the next aisle, bloodsucker."

Things never changed. Edward took in the alarming size of Jacob Black and felt only anger bubbling beneath the surface of his granite skin. He bared his teeth. "The puppy chow is in aisle six, mutt. So I wouldn't be making an example of what we are."

Jacob was beginning to shake all over, his red-brown hands clenched into fists at his sides. The two circled each other like wild animals about to fight.

"Gentleman, is there a problem here?"

It was the woman in the heels. She was now sizing up her new customer. Edward flinched, trying to block her thoughts.

"No, Cindy, there isn't," Jake reassured her, still trying to calm himself.

The woman's eyes sparkled. "How did you know my name?"

Jacob pointed a long finger at her name tag, shrugging.

Flustered, she smoothed her skirt and changed the subject. "Well. I am still going to have to ask you to leave. We don't want trouble here."

Edward nodded courteously, ever the gentleman although he was barely composed.

The next thing he knew, he was sliding gracefully through Bella's front door. He stopped dead at the foot of the couch. She was glaring at him with the phone clutched in her hand, furious. "Jacob's on the phone. He's wondering how he's going to wash himself tonight, because _someone_ got him kicked out of the store today?"

Edwards eyes were slits. "Tell him you can both stink together."

And with that he very uncharacteristically stomped up the stairs.


End file.
